Where do I go from here?

I was doing some writing about my past, sort of a memoir.  It's been something which I've worked on for a while.  I'm not sure what I will do with it.  Right now, it's more about getting things recorded for my own personal use.  Here's a quick synopsis.

I was born to parents who could not make their relationship work out beyond my 3rd year of life.  I was raised with both a mother and brother who had mental problems.  Our family's primary income was from my maternal grandmother's work and later retirement, as well as child support from my father.  My father would visit for a weekend every 2 - 4 years.  My childhood had difficulties.  A mother and brother with mental problems, religious fanaticism, beatings. 

I went into the Navy at 17.  There were some issues due to some people's attitude toward some of my behaviors and mannerisms.  In some ways, I was a bit of a Gomer Pile.  It took a while to neutralize the influences of retarded mother and brother.  But things were eventually worked out and things were progressing well.  I thought of making a career in the Navy.  But I decided for reasons too lengthy to describe here to leave the Navy after the first enlistment was up.  I reached E-5 (PO2) before getting out.  I did 1 West Pac and some other excursions during the 4 years.  I worked for the Navy as a civilian firefighter for another year before deciding to travel for a while.

The civilian job ended after a year because the project was turned over to active duty Navy.  I decided to travel for a while.  I intended the travels to be for just 1 - 2 years.  But it wound up being for around 7 years.  I eventually settled in Santa Barbara, CA.  I did residential maintenance for a while.  I moved onto working in automotive for several years.  But it was a corporate company which made some mistakes.  I should have left a couple years before but had grown too settled in the job.  I eventually moved to the printing industry, staying with 1 company for 10 years.  Trying to stay with a dying company, I transferred to San Diego.  A triple whammy occurred.  I left the job of 10 years, had a relationship end badly and got severely beaten by 3 guys.  This all put me into a bit of a mental fog.  I up and ran away to Texas.

Why Texas?  I sometimes think that it was the concussion from the beating.  Well, I managed to get a good job and I think that I will probably retire with this company.  But the question remains.  "Where do I go from here?"

My life experiences could be described as diverse.  It has also been described as chaotic.  Taking the starting point into account, it definitely could have been worse.  But I also could have done better.  I did not inherit the physical causes of my mother's and brother's mental problems.  But there were influences.  I had managed to eliminate most of them.  But I believe that some of my mistakes and misperceptions were from residual affects from them.  I've had successes and accomplishments.  I've had good relationships and experiences.  But there have been stormy periods.  The end result is hard to describe.

I'm a 50-something who is still trying to work things out.  Most people find me pleasant and, at times, exciting to have around.  But I have difficulties maintaining long term relationships.  I am now physically active but have substantial room for improvement.  I am fairly sane but still feel influences from the more chaotic aspects of my past.

As I work out what to do to have things go in the direction which I want and where they should go for the remainder of my life, I though that some of the processes may be useful to other people.  So I will use parts of this blog to record relevant aspects of my life.  Part of it is also to help myself by recording things better.  I also think that some aspects of this may be helpful to others who are working to change parts of their lives.