A little sexual orientation history

  

A young man's video about his sexual orientation got me thinking about my first same sex attraction and subsequent repression due to religion. I was 11 years old and I spent most of my time in the neighborhood with 1 particular guy. After a while, we began to play doctor. He and his family had to leave the small town due to a bankruptcy. 

As I entered 6th grade, I became more involved in religion. I had read the whole bible and reread many sections. This included the sections where gay activity was condemned or interpreted as such. I became so devoted to religion that I entered the understudy for the ministry by 14 years old. I was even doing sermons. In addition to suppressing same sex attractions, I did so with all relational attractions. 

Family troubles motivated me to enter the Navy at 17 years old. Something happened which opened the way to a lot of behaviors which I previously considered sinful. Sexual experiences became common albeit only with women. Although I became aware again of the same sex attraction, it seemed too dangerous to act on it while in the military. At the time, the military not only had extreme reactions to homosexuality but also actively looked for suspicious behaviors. 

I was sexually involved with several women over my 4 years in the Navy. Near the end of the enlistment, I realized that I was attracted to a couple of guys in my division. Although there were some flirtations, nothing sexual happened. The results of getting caught were too great. That was one of the reasons for leaving the military.

There is an effect of sexual suppression. Suppression for too long can result in excessive and chaotic behaviors once the suppression ends. I made a lot of relationship mistakes after the military. I believe that many of those mistakes were due to not even acknowledging my sexual orientation let alone experiencing them.

So I admire people in later generations who are able to acknowledge and be honest about their sexual orientations. I think that it makes for much healthier and saner lives.